The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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