I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
this is an emotional support booty call
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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