Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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