.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize