i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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