Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
