I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
