yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
