you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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