He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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