And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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