I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
try to milk me bitch
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