So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Randomize