You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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