I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
