Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
