will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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