break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
