the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I want a musical about memes.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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