my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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