mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
