i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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