I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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