I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
