they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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