Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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