Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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