he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
