It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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