Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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