So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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