I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
