I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize