I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
