You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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