Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
