a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize