I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
