we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
