It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize