i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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