Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
