This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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