I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
