i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
