You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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