woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
