Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
