it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
