wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
