i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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