I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
