it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
