the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
