I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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