I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
