I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
