Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
