I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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