Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
