I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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