I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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