have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
