hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Randomize
