margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
