Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
