No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
