babies were throwing up all over the place
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
