Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
