I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
